Letting go. Possibly one of the hardest things we ever have to do in our lives. Probably the hardest part of the process when it comes to making peace with food. By letting go, you will be forced to actually “feel” the feelings without running to something (in this instance, food) to numb the feeling.
You’re probably wondering what exactly I’m asking you to let go of. I’m asking you to stop holding on to the way you think things “should be”: fitting into a certain pants size, eating in a particular way, having it all together, etc. Just let it be. Let go. Maybe it means giving something up that you really wanted and maybe believed you couldn’t live without. Maybe this means giving up the dream of being a size two. Or giving up the desire to be in complete control and wishing to eat perfectly and never slip up. This is not an easy task, and I’m not going to pretend that it is.
I’m going to leave you with that. I want you to really think about how letting go makes you feel. As uncomfortable as it may feel at first, once you wake up and make the ever-empowering decision to really truly let go for good, I want you to know that it is the most freeing feeling you will ever feel. Knowing that you have your entire life ahead of you. Knowing that you are free to think about something other than your weight and food. I wouldn’t give up that freedom for anything.
What will you do with your time once you are free?
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Rachel says
Hi :o)
I googled being mindful and happy and I found my way here :o) I read your journey and although it isn’t exactly like mine I can empathise with a lot of it. I’m currently floating in a cycle of binge/starve and have been since the age of 5. I was a happy plump child who loved to read and unfortunately didn’t fit the mould of what my mother had expected. CONTROL, it has always been about control. Even at my ‘happiest’ I still feel I must control. As much as I like to think there have been times when I was in control it only takes a moment of things going badly to make me realise that I’m not. The moment things go wrong is always the moment they go really wrong. I have been trying to find a way out, reading books about mindfulness, trying to do healthy things. Hell, I have even been vegan because I thought that might help me focus. Focusing though has just created another channel. I just keep creating more channels and therefore have more excuses for my behaviour. But I think you are right, I am hanging on to something familiar that is unhealthy and I really want to let it go. I just don’t know how. Every time I ‘try’ I am doing just that trying and not actually doing. I suppose to really let go you can’t be ‘trying’. Does that make sense? I hope it does. I need to be ‘doing’, I just don’t know how to let this go. I also don’t really know how to let this go when there is a big part of my life completely out of control now that I can do nothing about. (excuse!) It is sink or swim time for me. I’m really sick of treading water when really I enjoy life and know that I am not doing so now. I did therapy for a year, which exposed but didn’t resolve. I don’t think you can resolve, I think you are right. I just need to let go. But how? Thank you, Rachel
Holly says
Hi Rachel! Thank you so so much for coming by, and especially for sharing your story and your struggles with me. I know how hard it is to sometimes put yourself out there.
I completely understand the cycle of binge/starve. I was there for many many years, and it was so difficult. I know what you’re going through, and I know the idea of actually letting go of something you have found comfort in since you were 5 years old is pretty daunting.
You just have to take it one day at a time. Literally. When I finally let go, I didn’t know how long it was going to last. I was sure I would fall into familiar habits within a week or so, but I just told myself that for that one day in time, I was going to take control. I wasn’t going to let the eating disorder control me. I had complete control of my life and no one could change that. For that one day, I went to the gym. I ate dinner with my family, and I FELT GOOD! So good, that I wanted to continue these new feelings and activities every single day. The next and the next and the next… until, before I knew it, I had made it a habit. It was now a habit to live a healthy life and to be happy. And I’ve never looked back since. Sure… little hiccups here and there, but I’ve never wanted to go back to that life now that I’ve gotten my REAL life back.
I will have another post and video this week about the concept of letting go. I know it’s an “easier said than done” sort of concept, but I hope it will help at least.
Have a great week, and please do not hesitate to contact me if you need anything!
Rachel says
Thank you Holly,
It is a great comfort to read your blog and your lovely response, thank you for taking the time to write. Yesterday I was talking to my dad about what you said about our favourite sweaters, and you know what-he actually finally got it! My dad usually has the emotion of a stone, but something clicked! So I applaud you and what you are doing and sharing, it is and I’m sure will continue to inspire me on my journey of letting go. I have all the tools to start the process now, I think I have had them for some time but I didn’t have the courage. I also didn’t know anyone else felt or did the same or came out the other side. I HAD a lot of excuses and a very warm comfy sweater that just happens to be self-sabotage! But like you said, one day at a time. I don’t need that sweater, I don’t need another diet idea, i don’t aspire to be a pile of bones, I just want to be healthy and happy. And you know what, tomorrow is just the day to make my way towards that. Tomorrow I’m going to do and not ‘try’ and see where I end up.
Thanks again for your input and what you are doing here, Rachel
Holly says
Rachel thank you. You are the reason I do what I do here. I’m so excited to hear about your happy and positive day tomorrow!